When the bulb dims...

What happens in the time between when an idea is thought up and that idea is put into action... rather, not put into action.

Why is there such a tendency to not move? Moving requires energy. Therefore, I suppose it is easier to not move. By moving I mean acting, in any way. Changing. Loving. Anything more than just being.

I have a terrible habit of merely existing. The worst part of that is that time continues to go along- cells replicate, atoms crash into one another- and I slowly depreciate. The present me is still the past me that I thought would, by now, be the future me. Aspirations are still aspirations, not reality.

I let ideas marinate until they are a smelly, foul mess that never happened. Why am I so content with what I currently have? Im alright, Im good as is. Sure, I have all these ideas that I think I can impress people with, win people over with. I can sound so progressive and smart if I want to.

And perhaps sometimes, I can trick people into thinking Im very cool. However, at the end of it all... it seems that I just speak well. I can sound like I am going somewhere, but Ill prolly just end up staying right where I am. I didnt even want to use the energy to type out probably.

Back to my original thought: What happens to potential? When an idea is formed it has potential energy [eat your heart out DarDrone, if you're reading]. The potential to improve or destroy. The potential to explode, to heal, to change. That idea can do so many things. Yet what makes it fizzle out before it ever does anything?

I want to write a book with 3 of my best friends.

I want to go places.

I want to desire Christ like I say I want to.

I want to blog (ok, I finally did this; only took a year)

I want to be artistic.

I want to think of myself last in all situations.

I want to explore.

I want to be more gentle.

I want to ride my bike more.

I want to make a video.

I want to pursure relationships with those around me.

I want to read about 64 books (and that is just the current list).

But I will probably just end up hanging out here for a while longer. Hopefully until all those things dont feel quite as pressing or important. Then I will be free of my convictions and just being here will be enough.

Some people I know might think it's an asset to be relaxed and easy going. And, frankly, people who seem discontent and always striving for more annoy me.

Its like what is the big deal?

But I see why it's a big deal to do things. It is a very big deal to overcome that time in between. It is a tremendous accomplishment, and it requires energy, planning, and effort. A perfect example occurs nearly every weekday in my life:

1. I want to make the sandwich to eat for lunch so i dont have to eat (and spend money) in the cafeteria. I will do this in the morning.
The idea is hatched, the possibilities endless! The potential of turkey, ham, roast beef! Mayonaise, lettuce... oh the joy!

2. I go to sleep
The idea could grow into reality... or will it die? This is the hard part.

3. I wake up, I need to shower, get dressed, find matching socks... now that sandwich doesnt seem so important. Swiping my badge and getting a "hot entree" doesnt seem so bad. I can not smell the smoked turkey anymore, or feel the soft wheat bread I once was excited about. The door slams, the lunch meat is still in the refrigerator and I clip my badge to my pants.
What happend!??!?! Wait! No! Really? You couldnt just put in a little more effort to make. a. sandwich? Are you that lazy? Taking the easy way out? Sad.

The consequences of a sandwich/not sandwich are only about $0.35. But this phenomenon infects many other places. And consequences in those areas are far more devastating.

And now I have learned this about myself. I want to change it. I dont want to only muse about things, but I want to be a doer. a seeker. a changer.

The idea is hatched...